Out of the water

    Wednesday September 7th, I had the opportunity to get re-baptized. (While I’m well aware of the fact that 2nd baptisms are odd to a majority of people. However, I’m not here to address that right now.)

    I was first baptized in 2018 going into high school. I spent my middle school years neglecting God and putting 110% of my effort and attention into my friendships and temporary relationships. I was manipulated and taken advantage of. To the point where I had almost completely stopped eating unless I was at school lunch with them, just to ensure that they had my full attention. Thankfully I was taken out of that situation and was able to stand back and see how broken I was. That also means I saw how good God was.

    So getting baptized was my way of saying, “Thank you, God for protecting me. I’m going to make you proud and move forward with You…” But then high school happened. I continued to live a life of secrecy. The only difference was that I clocked in for church of Sunday and Wednesday. I had gotten pretty good at living the double life. However, as we know, when things are kept hidden, they grow and fester into something painful and gross.

    I’ve spent a strong period of time thinking that I was tainted. That I was too broken. That I was disgusting, invaluable, and irredeemable. (I can picture my family and friends reading this and getting sad because it’s not something that I was open about but just wait! It’s about to get good!) That was how I viewed myself when I only saw myself through the worlds eyes. When I felt the weight of my sin and nothing else.

   But there is good news! God doesn’t see any of it. In fact, He was with me in my lowest of lows holding onto me and crying with me. He mourned with I mourned the same way He rejoiced when I found a small bit of peace in Him. I serve a good, loving, and gentle God.

   When I chose to go into the baptismal for the 2nd time I was washing away the image of myself that I had carried with me for so long. I washed away the mental chains and boundaries that I had placed on myself due to my past. 

    I am now fully aware that I have the God of the universe on my side. When I came out of that water, I dedicated my life to Him. Not just my Sundays, Wednesdays, or the good days when I feel like reading my Bible. I dedicate every day of my life to diving further into who He is and what He wills for me.

    I’m going to be pursuing Him wildly for as long as He’ll let me.